Break Overruns The Nemesis
by Nightblake
Summary: The decepticons of TF Prime get a surprise visitor from Pandora Hearts. Co-written with Prodigal The Son.
1. Chapter 1

Break: Hi Guyz it's Xerxes Break from Pandora Hearts…. What am I doing here? A fair question! Emily I'll let you explain.

Emily: We are here at the request of Nightblake and Prodigal The Son…

Break: We are here to mess with the minds of the Decepticon on the _Nemesis._ Why we doing this? I am bored of Gilbert trying to quit smoking.

Nightblake: Get in a cupboard and get there already!

Prodigal: Before we're forced to use less civil methods of convincing you…

Break: Emily do you think they hate me?

Emily: …No comment.

Prodigal: Alright, that's it! Get in that cupboard so we can start telling the story already!

Nightblake: Or I'll kick you in headfirst!

Break: 'Runs inside cupboard with Emily'

**The **_**Nemesis**_

If it was possible for a normal day to occur on the _Nemesis_, it was starting to look like it would. Knockout was refreshing his finish, Soundwave everbusy… and silent. Starscream every scheming, and of course, attempting to avoid Megatron. The warlord himself was on the Bridge, looking over reports. _"Perhaps things will stay quiet today."_ He thought hopefully. Alas, we will not allow that. For the next thing he knew, an unfamiliar voice piped up behind him.

"Ooh, nice place. Bit smaller than I thought it would be." It said, prompting Megatron to turn around. He found no one there. "I'm down here." Down was where he looked. And thus it was that he came face to face with… A human? On the warship? "I bet I can read your mind right now. Your wondering how the heck I got here, aren't you?" Before Megatron could give anykind of response, the human spoke again. "Nah, forget that. I was never really psychic anyway." He said, pulling out a piece of candy. Megatron seemed to have finally collected his thoughts, and raised his fusion cannon to rid himself of the already annoying human. He fired, and there was nothing but a scorch mark on the floor.

"Good ridance…" He said.

"To bad rubbish! Which, by the way, I am totally not." Megatron suddenly turned to his left, to see the human sitting on his shoulder! "That would have been a nice shot though."

"Would have?!" Before either of them could do anything else, the door to the bridge opened, and Steve the Vehicon walked in.

"My lord I-"

"STEVE!" The human interrupted.

"How did-?"

"No, wait, what am I doing calling out your name without even telling you mine. Name's Xerxes Break. But you can call me Break. Whichever's easier. That's probably the latter."

"ENOUGH!" Megatron bellowed, throwing this "Break" of his shoulder with the intent of breaking every bone in his body on the floor. Alas, we won't let that happen either. Break simply got up and dusted himself off. Right then, another voice spoke up.

"Now that wasn't very nice, was it?" It was clearly feminine, but the source unknown. This was much to Megatron's annoyance, and Steve's confusion.

"SHOW YOURSELF!" The tyrant demanded, already pushing his limit.

"You didn't say the magic word, bucket-head." It said.

"Bucket-head?!" Ok, Megatron's getting royally ticked off now.

"Yeah,your helmet looks like a bucket." Before he could demand the source of the voice, Break turned to an odd-looking doll on his shoulder, and tsked.

"Emily, it's not nice to tell the truth!" He tutted. Then, the impossibility hit Megatron like a meteor.

"That piece of stitched-up material was talking to me?" He asked, trying not to lose his cool.

"Oh, you wound me." It drew a hand to its chest. "Then again, you're not exactly a basket of fruit yourself." "She" finished. Then Break looked at her again.

"What did I just tell you, Emily?" He gave her a look. At this point, Megatron rose his cannon again. "I think we've overstayed our welcome. Let's take our leave." He moved before the fusion blast even came close, and ran over to a computer terminal. With unnatural strength, he opened the service hatch underneath… to reveal a cupboard amidst the wires and components. "Toodles." H declared as he ran inside it, closing the door behind him. But Megatron wasn't having any of that; He grabbed the wooden ornament and threw it on the ground. Then, he gave it a good few fusion blasts. When the smoke cleared, there was no sign of the Human's body. There should have been some ash, or something.

"Argh! You there!" Megatron called, pointing at Steve.

"It's Steve sir, I got the new silver Paintjob." The drone said, referring to the new colours worn by Starscream's armada. He wasn't a flyer, but he didn't care. All the more he could do for his favourite seeker.

"_Steve…_" He spat the human name that the vehicon had chosen. "Alert our warrior to be on the look out for this human. Regardless of how he arrived here, I want him dead or gone! Are we clear?"

"Yes Sir!" And with that he ran out.

**Somewhere within the bowels of the **_**Nemesis**_**…**

Soundwave walked slowly through the corridor, his mind always clear. He had a job to do, so he was going to do it: Hunt down and exterminate the human rodent that had _somehow_ found its way onto the _Nemesis._ He silently hoped that this wouldn't take long, after all, he had other duties to attend to.

"Emily, get a load of this! It's robo-Slenderman!"

"I know, right?!" Well, it certainly wouldn't take long to find them. The mech turned around, and sure enough, there it was. Of course, he thought the vehicons were delusional when they said it had a talking doll. Oh well…

"Seriously, are you a fan of the guy?" It asked. But Soundwave wasn't about to let conversation get in the way. He raised his resonance blaster and targeted the human. "Oh, you want to fight, do you? Well I though we could get along, sit down, drink a cup of tea or something. Or, maybe have some cake, but I guess you can't cause you're a rob-" A blast of soundwaves interrupted him, and he suddenly had to be standing a little to the right. Then the doll spoke up.

"It isn't polite to interrupt!" Soundwave retargeted, and fired again. He had the same results. This went on for several minutes. Eventually, Soundwave gave up on shooting him, and he assed his options.

"Well, that was fun. At least it was for me and Emily. What about you?" Break asked him, clearly hoping to push him. At least he was in Soundwave's eyes. Suddenly, the decepticon third in command had an idea. His visor suddenly lit up with a diagram of the _Nemesis_, and co ordinates were displayed. "Ooh! Are you goin to do a magic trick?!" He didn't get an answer, but then a wooshing sound was heard. The human fell through a groundbridge cleverly placed on the floor. Once it losed, Soundwave gave a slight nod, and walked off to inform his master that the problem was dealt with. He turned…

"Wow! Neat trick!" and he found the human and his companion, which had just spoken, was standing in front of him. Again. "What else can you do?" Again, no response from the slent mech. Only the extending of his tentacles. He intended to pin the human and rip him apart swiftly, but found out that even that wasn't going to work. Instead, Break vanished in a slight flash, and reappeared on Soundwave's head.

"He has tentacles?! He is SO robo-Slenderman!" Then to his surprise, a deep, growling, reverberating voice, filled his ears.

"Cease and desist!" It announced… from below him.

"Whoa! Now I see why you don't speak. Must be hard to get a girl with a voice like that. Am I right, Emily?"

"Yep, I can assure you I'm totally freaked out by that kind of speech pattern."

"Mating chances: Irrelevant."

"Jeez, you monotonous as well." The doll continued. And Break added to it.

"I know, right? Look at him, he's like an uncharasmatic bore!" That did it, without warning, Laserbeak detached from Soundwave's torso and flew in a circle to fire at the human that Soundwave unceremoniously removed from his ducking and kicking. Alas, Break was unharmed. Again. Laserbeakc opened fire, but the human was once again gone, and, as Soundwave hoped, for good this time.

"Ok, maybe not quite uncharasmatic enough to not get angry, but then again…" Once again, the human was standing behind him. Much to Soundwave's aired grievance. So much so, that his emotional inhibitor was unable to keep up.

"AAAAARGGGH!"

**Nightblake: Well then can I have a hug Break?**

**Break: Can do! 'hugs'**

**Prodigal: Tell us what you think! And if you like, we'll continue. After all, Break signed a 5 chapter contract.**

**Break: Yes sir!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Prodigal: Well, the response has been... less than enthusiastic. Guess we'll have to change that, right?**

**Nightblake: Hmm maybe...**

**Prodigal: Well, I know how we can do it! We present Break's next target!**

**Break: Ooh! Who do I get to help out next?**

**Emily: "Help out" Yeah, you mean torture.**

**Prodigal: Emily! How many times do you have to be told it's not nice to tell the truth?**

**Nightblake: Well let us thank Sharon in advance for helping Break at the rough times of this little helping spree.**

**Prodigal: Hmm, do let's. Now, 'in epic movie voice' BEHOLD! BREAK'S NEXT TARGET IS... OUR FAVOURITE SEEKER...**

**Nightblake: Take note that this fic is not canon.**

**Prodigal: And that means... We have more torture victims- I mean! Helpees on board the **_**Nemesis**_**...**

* * *

"Oh please, as if that'd be any problem." Starscream mumbled to himself,having just heard the announcement that there was a human intruder on board the _Nemesis_. "Though, I would be interrested to know how it got on board the ship and how the 'mighty Megatron' failed to terminateit himself..."

"Well, It's quite the story actually." At the sound of that, Screamer...um, screamed and turned around. Of course, there was the human staring at him with a hand placed to his chin. And... what was that on his shoulder? "You see, it started when I magically appeared here in the ship because of... Well, let's just say a wizard did it. And then I proceeded to make small talk with your friends on the bridge, and then I proceeded to make small talk with another of your friends in a corridor, and then-Oh, wait, I seem to have caught up where we are now!"

Starscream was too shocked to even break into that rant. When he eventually did, he found the human... on his head? True enough, there he was tapping on his head. "Hellooo...? Anybody in there? Are you really just a robot?"

"If he is, he's a pretty good looking one!" A new voice piped up.

"Where did that come from? Who are you?! Speak!" Starscream demanded. Given his position, he was unable to see the human turn to the doll on his shoulder.

"Emily! What have I told you about telling lies?!"

"Hmm, nothing! You always talked about telling the truth!"

"Don't tell me the truth,you cheeky doll you!" They went on like that for a good few minutes, prompting the seeker to shake them off of his head. Starscream was defitenly confused by now and just wanted to dispose of the human.

"Alright, you've had your fun!" He yelled, pointing a missile at them.

"Huh, looks like a torpedeo." The human mumbled, right before Screamer fired. The missile exploded on impact, leaving nothing but burn marks on the floor and a smirking and sighing Starscream. "Nice shot, but you lose points for timing. And because you look silly."

"What in-" Starscream turned around, and there, once again, the human was just standing. This time he had his arms crossed. " How did-When did yo- Wh-" The seekers head repeatedly turned left and right between the human's previous position, and where he was now. It was like he was watching a tennis game five times faster.

The human smirked and pulled out a piece of candy and popped it into his mouth, before talking to the piece of stiching on his shoulder. "How would you rate that, Emily?"

"Hmm, maybe 7 out of 10, actually give that a 4." Before they could say anything else, Starscream decided to try a different approach.

"OK, maybe we've gotten off on the wrong foot here. Let's start over. My name is Starscream." He smirked, and the human smiled back holding out his hand.

"Break, and this is Emily. You only get that, watashi no yūjin." He spoke in a foreign tongue.

"I'm sorry but you'll have to speak in a language I bothered to learn. What did you say?" Starscream asked, mildly annoyed.

"He said 'you suck'" Emily pointed out, prompting Break to turn to her with a feigned shock expression.

"Emily! I never asked you to tell the truth!"

"Is that what he really said?" asked the annoyed seeker "Or is it trying to annoy me?"

"'It' has a name and maybe." said the annoying human "Oh and 'Watashi no yūjin' means 'my friend' in Japanese... just curious what languages do you know?"

"Pretty much just what I've spoken, aside from my native tongue." Starscream answered, puffing his chest lightly for his next sentence. "But I am perfectly capable of learning many languages of your planet via the 'internet'!" Break made a "shocked" expressionand put his hands on his cheeks.

"Really?! Tu loquerisne Latine?" He asked.

"Uh..."

"Wie wäre es mit Deutsch? Kennen Sie Deutsch?" He piped.

"Wait, wait! Give me a chance!" Screamer begged.

"Pa mor am y Gymraeg? Mae'n rhaid i chi wybod Gymraeg, dde?" Break tried that one next.

"Fragging hold on!" The seeker demanded, before Emily joined in.

"Forse tu parli Italiano?" She said.

"That's enough!"

"Siay tiay? Iay oughtthay eway ereway ustjay ettinggay artedstay!"

"I know that one! I know that one!" Starscream declared, pointing at the human.

"Вам? Как так?" Emily asked in yet ANOTHER language.

Starscream facepalmed. "I give up! Do your worst!" He yelled, and both the human and doll smirked.

"OK!" They yelled in unison, before pulling out a big cake and throwing it in Screamer's face, leaving him speechless. Then, out of nowhere, Break was standing on a large wooden construct. A cupboard?! "And now, readers and authors of fanfiction, the mighty Break shall do yet _another_ disappearing act! " The cupboard opened as he jumped, and he said one more thing before falling inside. "Toodles!"

With that, he fell in and the cupboard disappeared. This left a pastry-covered paralysed seeker standing frozen in the middle of the corridor with a scowl on his face.

* * *

Megatron watched from his screen on the bridge of the _Nemesis_, not bothering to bury his laugh as he watched Starscream suffer. Then, an idea came to mind. He turned to his spymaster. "Soundwave?" He called, and the slender mech turned to face him. "Do you still have a human YouTube account?"


End file.
